Leave It To Mister Boomer

Mister Boomer envisioned a lost episode of Leave It To Beaver this past week. It centered around the Beaver tearing a hole in his jeans:

Leave It To Beaver: The Lost Episode

The Beaver walks up to his home. June Cleaver spots him coming and, wiping her hands on her apron, immediately meets him on the porch.

June: Theodore, what happened? You have a tear in your pants!

The Beaver: Oh, it’s nothing. I was playing on the school monkey bars and got caught on one of the bolts. I hardly bled at all.

June: Look at that tear! Come on, I’ll sew it up before supper.

Wally and Eddie Haskell walk up and listen to the conversation, while at the same time Ward Cleaver pulls into the driveway, home from a long day at work. All three converge on the porch with the Beaver and June.

The Beaver: I was thinking, mom, maybe you could just leave it the way it is.

June: What! Whatever do you mean, Theodore?

The Beaver: Well, Wally was saying how some of the cool kids at school have holes in their jeans. Right, Wally?

Wally: Hey, leave me out of it, Beav.

Eddie Haskell: Yeah, Wally doesn’t know anything about what is cool! Hey, Beaver, when we were your age, our dungarees were made of strong stuff. We couldn’t punch a hole in them if we wanted to! What are yours made of, two-ply?

June (bewildered, but ignoring Eddie): So you think you want to be like the cool kids and have a hole in your jeans?

The Beaver: Well, with a face like this, I can only be so cool, so yeah, why not?

June: WHY NOT??!!?? Just because other misguided children want to walk around with holes in their jeans doesn’t mean you have to do it, too! If they wanted to jump off a bridge, would you want to do that, too?

Ward comes over and wraps an arm around her shoulder and gently nudges the now trembling Mrs. Cleaver to the front door.

Ward to Eddie: Will you be staying for supper, Eddie?

Eddie Haskell: No thanks, Mr. Cleaver. I got to be going. See you tomorrow, Wally!

Eddie leaves as the Cleaver family enters the house. Ward sits June in a chair in his den, her eyes glazed over and holding back sobs.

Ward addresses the Beaver: You know, being cool isn’t all its made out to be. I was young once, too, you know. All my friends had zoot suits, but you know what I did? I refrained from buying one. It wasn’t really for me, now was it, Theodore?

Ward lights his pipe that he pulled from his jacket pocket.

Ward: Did you stop to consider what other people would think of your mother, letting you walk around with a hole in your jeans? This is the 1960s, Theodore. People fought for our freedom to create the kind of life where people wouldn’t have to walk around with holes in their jeans. Would you want people to think your mother wasn’t doing her duty? Do you understand, now, Theodore?

The Beaver:: Yes, sir. I guess so.

June makes a remarkable recovery and pops up out of the chair.

June: Wally, take Theodore upstairs and pour hydrogen peroxide and some mercurochrome on his bloody knee. Theodore, change those pants and you boys wash up for supper. I’ll mend them after I do the dishes.

June exits for the kitchen as Ward sits in his chair to read the newspaper.

Wally: Come on, Beav. What were you thinking?

The boys walk up the stairs. Roll credits.

The situation that prompted this hallucinogenic flashback was a tear Mister B has in the knee of his jeans. Mister B had written before about the trend of torn jeans (see: Boomers and Torn Jeans: The Evolution from Time-to-Replace to High Fashion). But this was different; it happened to him! One day, out of the blue, as he bent, the fabric flexed over his knee and split horizontally in two places.

At first, Mister Boomer thought maybe he’d just go with the flow. No one would give him a second look, with the proliferation of torn denim parading around the streets these days. After only one wearing, though, the tears grew wider, exposing his entire knee to the elements. This was not the season for exposed knees, so Mister Boomer did the only thing he thought he could do: he grabbed needle and thread and attempted to mend the tears.

Despite his rudimentary sewing skills (Mister B never took Home Ec), he was able to stitch the fabric in a manner that reminded him of scars on Frankenstein’s monster. “Maybe I’ll start a new trend,” he thought, admiring his amateur repair.

When the time came to rotate from one pair of jeans to another, Mister B put on his Frankenstein jeans. Within an hour, the fabric tore, not along the hastily sewn stitches, but directly above and below the thread line; the repair thread was stronger than the fabric.

Mister B is befuddled, now. If men his age are out in public with torn jeans, people will feel sorry for the old man on a fixed income who can’t afford a new pair of jeans. So much for being cool. What is maddening, though, is the jeans were a major brand name. The fabric obviously is not of the strength and durability we remember in our boomer days. Just what are they made out of, two-ply?

What have you done about torn jeans at your age, boomers? Or are you sitting at the cool kids’ table, sporting your designer tears?

Movie Music Was Boomer Music, Too

It’s Academy Awards time once again, and that got Mister Boomer thinking about movie music in the boomer era. Popular recording artists have been mining Oscar-nominated music to make hits of their own for decades before the Boomer Generation. Yet during the 1950s, ’60s and ’70s, there was a steady stream of songs taken from motion pictures that hit the Top 10 practically every year. Just look at this sampling:

1950: The Academy Award-winning song from Captain Carey, U.S.A., Mona Lisa, became a number one hit for Nat King Cole. Originally recorded as a B side, it didn’t become a hit until Cole did a radio publicity junket for the album, The Greatest Inventor of Them All.

1953: Dean Martin scored a hit with That’s Amore, from The Caddy. The song won an Academy-Award nomination, but Dean Martin parlayed it into his signature song for the rest of his career.

1955: The film, Unchained, gave us the song Unchained Melody. Though recorded by numerous people, it was the recording by The Righteous Brothers in 1964 that made it a bona fide classic boomer hit.

1956: Doris Day and Jimmy Stewart starred in Alfred Hitchcock’s The Man Who Knew Too Much. Doris Day sang Que Sera, Sera in the movie, and it reached number two on Billboard’s Top 100 that year. The song was used as the sitcom theme for The Doris Day Show, from 1968-73.

1959: The Theme from A Summer Place, title song from the movie of the same name, became a number one hit by Percy Faith and his Orchestra when the cover version was released in 1960.

1961: The song, Town Without Pity, from the movie of the same name, became the first big hit for Gene Pitney.

1964: James Bond films gave us memorable title songs throughout the boomer era. Arguably one of the best was Goldfinger. Shirley Bassey was given the job to sing the movie version, and it reached number 8 on Billboard’s Top 10 as a single. She later went on to sing the theme song for the 1971 Bond film, Diamonds Are Forever.

1965: The Theme from Doctor Zhivago, an instrumental that was also known as Lara’s Theme, was recorded by Ray Coniff and His Orchestra in 1966.

1965: The title song from What’s New Pussycat? became a hit for Tom Jones.

1966: Taken from the movie of the same name, The Seekers’ recording of Georgy Girl made it to number two on the charts.

1966: The first British song to ever win an Oscar, Born Free, the title song form the movie of the same name, became a Top 10 hit as an instrumental for Roger Williams. Frank Sinatra and Andy Williams, among others, covered the song with the lyrics, as it was sung for the movie opening.

1966: The title song, Alfie, lost out to fellow nominee Born Free that year. Written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David, it was sung by Cher over the ending credits in the American release of the film (Celia Black sang it in the UK release), but became a hit for Dionne Warwick in 1967.

1966: The Theme from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly demonstrates how more than one band could hit the charts with the same song. Italian composer Ennio Morricone composed the iconic song for the movie. His version reached number four on the Billboard Top 10, but many boomers recall the hit cover version by Hugo Montenegro in 1968 that peaked at the number two spot.

1967: One of the interesting facts about the movie song, Mrs. Robinson, from the film, The Graduate, is that the song hit number one for Simon & Garfunkel, edging out Hugo Montenegro’s version of The Good, the Bad & the Ugly.

1967: Originally intended for Judy Garland, Burt Bacharach and Hal David’s Theme from Valley of the Dolls was sung for the movie by Dionne Warwick, whose single version peaked at number two in 1968.

1967: Yet another Burt Bacharach and Hal David song nominated that year, The Look of Love, for the James Bond movie, Casino Royale, was sung by Dusty Springfield for the film. Her version reached the Top 40, but the song was later recorded, both as an instrumental and with lyrics, by a host of others, including Nancy Wilson, Dionne Warwick, Sergio Mendes & Basil 66, and even the Four Tops!

1968: An Oscar-winning song, The Windmills of Your Mind, was composed and recorded by Michel Legrand for film, The Thomas Crown Affair. After Andy Williams passed on singing it, Noel Harrison sang it for the movie. Dusty Springfield recorded it for her debut album and it reached the Top 40 as a single. Jose Feliciano, who performed the song for the Academy Awards broadcast that year, recorded it in 1969 as well.

1969: Another Oscar for Burt Bacharach and Hal David, the song Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head for the movie, Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid was sung by B.J. Thomas. His single recording of the song reached number one on the charts that same year.

1971: When Isaac Hayes composed the Academy Award-winning song, Theme from Shaft, for the movie of the same name, it was not intended to be released as a single. It was the movie’s popularity that caused Enterprise Records to release it that year. The song quickly soared to the number one spot.

1972: That year’s Best Original Song, The Morning After, was from the movie, The Poseidon Adventure. Maureen McGovern’s cover version in 1973 hit number one and helped her receive a Grammy Award nomination in 1974 for Best New Artist.

1973: Paul McCartney’s Live and Let Die for the James Bond film of the same name was nominated for an Academy Award, but lost out that year to The Way We Were. Nonetheless, the Paul McCartney and Wings single hit number two on the Billboard charts.

1976: With all the buzz around A Star Is Born this year, boomers recall the earlier remake of the movie in the 1970s. Barbra Streisand starred with Kris Kristofferson in the movie, in which she sang the theme song, Evergreen. Streisand is given co-composer credits along with Paul Williams, another name well known to boomers. It picked up the Oscar for Best Original Song and Streisand’s version reached the top of the charts at number one that same year.

1977: Though the winner of Best Original Song, You Light Up My Life came from a relatively obscure movie of the same name. It was Debbie Boone’s cover version that year that not only hit number one, but became the longest running hit of the decade, lasting ten weeks at the top of the charts.

1978: Saturday Night Fever brought several songs by the Bee Gees to boomers’ attention. Though not nominated for an Academy Award, the soundtrack produced several hit singles for the Bee Gees, including Night Fever, I Can’t Have You, Stayin’ Alive and How Deep Is Your Love. The movie is said to have catapulted the popularity of disco, much to the chagrin of many boomers (like Mister B).

Mister Boomer didn’t necessarily like a good portion of the movie songs during his boomer years, though there were a few. Several still have a place in his collection of 45s, albums and digital music, including Town Without Pity, Unchained Melody, Georgy Girl, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Mrs. Robinson, The Look of Love and the Theme from Shaft, to name a few.

Of course, there were many other movie songs that became radio hits for boomers. What were your favorites of the 1950s, ’60s and ’70s, boomers?