Boomers Helped Expand the Changing Roles of Fathers

Since another Father’s Day has just been celebrated, Mister Boomer couldn’t help but ponder the changing role fathers have played in family dynamics since the dawn of the Boomer Generation. Boomers grew up in an era when their dads accepted the role of fatherhood much like their fathers had, who in turn emulated the fathers before them; namely, a father’s chief roles were breadwinner and disciplinarian.

TV shows like Father Knows Best (1954-60) and Leave It To Beaver (1957-63) pictured the ideal dad, enjoying his downtime after work, in his easy chair and reading the newspaper while the mother of the house prepared dinner, cleaned and otherwise managed the home environment he and his children would inhabit. As depicted in the TV shows, dear old dad didn’t get involved with the children unless there was a lesson to be taught about manners or ethics, or authoritarian or legal regulations to be emphasized, whether that involved behavior in school, the neighborhood or at the dinner table.

Even when the non-traditional family was portrayed, such as on My Three Sons (1960-72), the role of the father was left unchanged. There, the father of the house was a widower. Rather than show the increased roles a man in his position might have to take on after the death of his wife, another male character — Uncle Charlie, a cigar-chomping ex-Navy man — was created to fulfill the role of the mother, while at times wearing a frilly apron, no less. Heaven forbid Fred MacMurray would head to the kitchen to prepare dinner after coming home from work, let alone ask his teenage boys to vacuum and do household chores.

As a result, Father’s Day was celebrated during the boomer years with utmost respect and in honor of whatever their dads wanted to do that day, much like any other day. In Mister Boomer’s neighborhood, that might entail a family cookout at a state park, or dad leaving early for a golf game, returning in time to fire up the backyard grill for dinner. Gifts were minimal. Cards may have been made in school by the younger kids; otherwise a store-bought card was in order for the children to give their dad. Since most fathers did not work in offices during that era, neckties, though traditional, were not the number one Father’s Day gift. Children generally gave their father either a homemade gift or something that pertained to his hobby or sport of choice.

Unceremoniously kicked out of factories and offices after soldiers came back from the War, women were designated as child bearers and household managers until the mid-60s. Boomers will recall how fatherly roles began to change when their mothers began to return to the workforce. According to the U.S. Census, the percentage of women working outside the home doubled between the years 1948 and 2000.

It has been Mister Boomer’s experience that even when moms went to work, they still did the vast majority of household work, including laundry, cleaning and cooking. However, Mister B and many other boomers recall the children at an early age taking on some of the responsibilities their fathers previously held, such as grass mowing and house painting. Their dads, at the same time, tended to increase their leisure time away from home for participating in or watching sports, always coupled with copious amounts of drinking and smoking.

As the last of the baby boomers born in 1964 reached school age, the role of fathers, changing throughout the turbulent 1960s, was continuing to be transformed. Marriages hit an all-time high around 1950, but the notion of divorce, seriously taboo for decades, was also on the rise at the same time. For most of the boomer years, marriage and divorce rates were comparable. The result did have an effect on fatherhood, as the preferred court arrangement was for the children to remain with their mother. The role of father was often played by a step-father when the mother remarried. This man could either became a benevolent father figure or a boomer kid’s nightmare.

Mister Boomer feels the predominant change that affected the roles of fathers who came after the Boomer Generation is the idea of a two-income family. Many mothers of boomers were satisfied being employed as waitresses, retail clerks and bank tellers, but women in the 1970s and beyond wanted careers as well as a family life. The men of the house gradually, and fairly reluctantly on the whole, capitulated to help raise the family. They increasingly changed diapers, attended PTA meetings, made school lunches, did laundry, vacuumed and participated in the upkeep of the house inside and out.

These days, stay-at-home dads have entered into the lexicon, reversing the roles of fathers and mothers from the early boomer years. In these scenarios, mothers are the major breadwinners, while household duties are executed by the father. Plus, now that the role of fathers has expanded to become one of co-parent instead of the clearly defined roles of previous decades, yard and outdoor work has more and more been delegated to professional service companies.

No one knows how Father’s Day might be celebrated 50 years from now, but looking back 50 years, boomers can say that dads have changed. Boomers participated in these changes when they became fathers, and the transformation continues.

How do you reflect on the role of fathers from your era as compared to today, boomers?

Boomers Got Little Information About D-Day and WWII

This past week marked the 75th anniversary of D-Day, June 6, 1944. It ushered in the beginning of the end of World War II in Europe and set the stage for the Boomer Generation that followed. The first boomers were born one year after the War, so memories were fresh in the minds of all adults. Yet, for most boomers, the subject of the war was rarely spoken of, if ever, in their families.

In talking to fellow boomers through the years, it is Mister Boomer’s experience that their parents — and grandparents — did not want to talk about the War. That was a closed chapter and things were moving forward; it was a new, hopeful age. Consequently, many boomers were raised without knowing what, if any, involvement their parents may have had in D-Day and World War II. Mister Boomer’s family was fortunate to not lose a family member during the War, so that fact allowed his relatives to maintain the level of silence that they wanted. An exception to the rule was a friend of Mister B’s. He knew his father was a Marine at Iwo Jima, though not once did the man speak of it in front of his son’s friends. He was a man of few words to begin with, so that did not appear strange to Mister B at the time.

In the late 1950s and early ’60s, neighbor friends of Mister B played with an army helmet, and once, one did a show-and-tell by furtively producing a bayonet that he said belonged to his father. To many boomer boys, WWII was what they saw in the movies and TV shows, like Combat! (1962-67).

Mister Boomer knew four of his uncles were in the army, but it wasn’t until he was in college that he learned anything other than that. There was a point where two of his maternal uncles no longer kept silent, and talked generally about their experiences in an artillery division. Looking back, it probably coincided with the last of their children reaching high school age. Nonetheless, details were few.

Years later, Mister B discovered two of his paternal uncles had fought in Europe, and one was there in Normandy. Only in recent years did he get information from a cousin that her father was a participant in D-Day. Mister B’s uncle was not infantry, but was more likely to be involved with setting up field headquarters immediately after the landing.

As for Mister Boomer’s father, he was drafted late in the war, and was fortunate enough to not see combat. However, he did not speak of his service, nor that of his brother and brother-in-law, until Mister Boomer was old enough to drink with them at the kitchen table. The topic of the War was something they wanted to keep to themselves. It’s possible they spoke to each other in the family’s native language, and the boomer kids would not have known. After all, they purposely kept their kids from learning to speak their parents’ language. All the better to say things around the kids without them knowing what was being said. “You’re an American,” was the only excuse they would give for not teaching the kids their native tongue. Mister B can’t help but think their War experiences fed into the desire that their children blend in.

Reports featuring soldiers who fought in WWII often show the men remembering fallen comrades, but little details of what they had endured themselves. Most downplayed their involvement, even when their boomer children came across medals or purple hearts. Now we are in a time when there are fewer eyewitnesses remaining to tell those tales. If you learned of any during your lifetime, boomers, pass the stories on to your relatives, children and grandchildren. They deserve to know the sacrifices that were made for the Boomer Generation and generations that followed. With humility and gratitude, Mister Boomer salutes you.

Did your parents speak about the War when you were young, boomers?